i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
