I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
