I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
