he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
