I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Less talking, more tequila
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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