I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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