LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
