garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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