his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This toilet bowl is my home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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