I am puke
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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