I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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