Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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