Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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