K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
