She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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