Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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