Betty ford says i'm here all night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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