I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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