he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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