I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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