i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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