it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
