I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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