I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
