You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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