Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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