One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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