If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
