I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
