I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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