He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This baby is an asshole
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
