If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize