hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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