Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
