If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
