OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
