Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
