Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize