Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
