i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
