i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
