just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
