i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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