Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
