I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
