Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize