I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
