can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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