Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize