I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
