just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
