just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
