They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize