just tell him i said nine months
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
