Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
