If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
