I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
