I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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