I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
