I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
