Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
