just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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