census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
