Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it was like eating out sand paper
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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